Revelation :)

So, I titled this blog Revelation because I believe that I have had one.

I dated a guy over the Summer, and the whole time I dated him, it all just felt pointless. I knew that he wasn't someone I wanted to be with for a long time, and I knew that I wasn't going to be happy with him unless I made myself. Well, who wants to do that? Haha But anyways, for some reason I drove the relationship on, knowing it was nothing. There was nothing there. I was just looking for something that I thought I was missing out on.

This is where God comes in. Haha! I have been praying for years that he just lead me to someone or lead someone to me that I will be happy with, and in love with, and marry, and yada yada yada. I have for so long felt like I was missing out because I wasn't dating. I have also many many times wondered how I wasn't dating, how I wasn't finding someone out there, when it seemed so many people were. I guess I kinda felt like the odd ball.

Well, all of the sudden this morning I woke up and I just had such a peace about it. I don't feel like I need to keep trying to find this person, or trying to get myself out there, or anything like that. I have this absolute trust in God and his ways, and I feel like now I could wait 40 years if that's what God wanted for me. A week ago, I would have freaked out at the thought that it would take Him more than 5 years to put that someone in my life.

I see so many people whose relationships consume their lives. The people I see aren't themselves anymore, they are such and such's girlfriend or such and such's boyfriend. Well, I don't want that. I have so much I value in my life that has nothing what so ever to do with a guy. I enjoy my family, my friends, my pets, etc. and I don't feel like I need to force space into my life for someone who I am making myself be with because I feel like I just have to have someone. I am so thankful for everything I have in my life. I have been so extremely blessed. And I don't ever want to push it all to the side so I feel like I am doing "what I'm supposed to".

So... I'm patiently waiting on you Prince Charming. I know you're out there, and I pray that you are taking all the time you need to find yourself, find you walk with God, and find out what you want out of life. I'll be here doing the same, and praying for you continuously. So here's to our meeting and our future happiness, when-ever God wishes for it to begin. :)

Thanks, Thanks, Thanks and still not enough Thanks!

My heart is on fire right now with thanks! The Lord has answered my prayer about where and how I should go from here. He is so wonderful and mighty and gracious to his children!!

Thank you so much for any of the prayers I got out there. You guys are all so wonderful!

Life is just good good good good good right now! :D

Another Week Down :)

So... It's almost the end of another week! Not that I'm counting down to anything specific except for the weekend... I am actually doing this as I work on finishing up some Micro homework and a paper, so I probably spoke too soon! Haha

But any-who. I have some good weekend plans! Me, Madre, Fadre, Sreen, Christian, and Tyler are all gonna go to Carowinds on Saturday and spend this weekend in Charlotte. I'm pretty excited since I could be a potential adrenaline-junkie as much as I love rides! Haha! I also hope to make it to the fair sometime... but that's actually not looking so good for me right now. :P

I have had some good things happen here lately. I have finally finally finally gotten rid of a weed that was growing up into my life. I hadn't realized it so much until night before last, but I think that was it. I think that was the breaking point for it. So, I have removed this weed, and will hopefully only be moving away from it as time goes on. :) I'm very proud of myself. haha!

I had something really good happen to me today, and I think maybe it may be something great even. Hopefully. :) Who really knows? Haha

I still feel a heaviness in my heart, and I'm sure it will last for a long time, for Joel and for my Kee and Porsh. My heart broke for all of them, and although I know it is to no where the degree broken as theirs, time will heal my heart too. I tell Kadie everyday that it will take time and time will slowly heal her heart. I know that it's true, but I can only imagine how it must feel to be in the middle of that dark tunnel seeing the light so far into the future. Continue to pray for them if you read this. They all still really need it, and I love them like my own family.

Hope anyone reading this has a fantastic weekend! :D

Today

This isn't a blog that has some huge point or idea behind it. Haha I think I can only write about so many deep things before I get sick of blogging.

I got up this morning and hung out with my Nana pretty much all day (at least until 3). It was nice to just stop and chill with her.

Yesterday was kinda emotionally tiring. I pretty much spent my entire day with Kadie, just going around with her wherever she went and offering some company and someone to talk to if she needed it. You never really know what to do when someone has lost someone as far as like what to say and such. I figure just being there was probably enough, just giving my love as much as I could. And I do love Kadie like she's my sister, and I consider their whole family my family. That's one thing Portia said yesterday, that around here raising a kid is a community affair. I thought that was perfect! Haha

So after school got out today, me and Mom and Becky went back up to Portia's house to visit with everyone. We just hung out for a couple of hours looking at photo albums and such. It was nice, and you could tell things were just the tiniest bit better today. I know they will get the tiniest bit better everyday, but the hole in everyone's heart will probably never be completely filled.

After we went out to eat with Tyler and Brenna, who could barely stand that our waiter/waitress was a man dressed as a girl, we came back home and just chilled out until Kadie came over to watch Camp Rock 2. Mom said it was the dumbest and cheesiest movie she had ever seen, but I have to admit I enjoyed it. Everything about it was cheesy, but cheesy is wonderful sometimes. :)

A guy I graduated high school with messaged me on facebook today, and I talked to him for a little while. I don't know him at all really, but he was very nice and sweet. I've never really heard much about him either, which I consider a good thing. I also have talked to and tried to get to know a guy from school here lately, but neither one seem to be headed much of anywhere yet.

Well, that's all I really have to say. Haha! I'm just kinda boring for now... staying very busy with school however. I can't wait to be done with school, although I know I'll miss it when it's done. Not the school part, but the living with all of my girls part. We all have so much fun. I truly am very thankful for them all.

But that's for another blog I'm sure.... Haha!

Life is So Fragile

You know, this isn't an unusual thing to hear. People all around seem to be saying all the time that "life is precious" and "life can change at any second"... and how many people actually take the time to listen? I think back to the last time I really thought about death, and how it happens so fast. My Dad's friend Yine that I had known and hunted alongside every since I could get out into the woods died of a sudden brain aneurysm not too long ago. Actually, it was over a year ago. Wow. Hard to believe. But I remember thinking then that life is so fragile... that you never know at any second it could be your last. How awful it seems to be ripped from a life when you are so young and still have so much to offer to your family, friends, career, etc.

I got some horrible tragic news this morning about a close family friend. Kadie's uncle Joel died late in the night last night when a transfer truck struck him on his motor cycle. I don't know any more details as of right now, just that everyone is going to let me know when they find anything out.

Joel was precious to not only his family, but to mine too. He was the baby of four kids, and of course the butt of some of the family jokes. I remember me, Mom, and Kadie all laughing with Portia weekend before last talking about how Joel had bought some chaps off a whim! We laughed about how if he wore those in Canton a mob would come after him, and even called Donald to hear his hilarious input on how awkward it was that they were "ass-less" chaps! And there are SO many memories from our keys trip a couple of years back... Joel "holding the building up" and Dad running him all around Key West, him playing volleyball with the foreign girls at our resort, the way he talked which made him so hard to follow sometimes, Donalds comments over dinner to Mom that one night, Dad saying that he was trying to "drink Joel down on vacation" but he couldn't... so many wonderful and fun memories! Joel was so smart too. He went to Stanford University, and was still attending classes to this day, because he just loved being a student that much. Kadie is kind of like him in some ways. She lived with him in Canton after she came back from school, so her and Joel both could get out on their own. Joel had lived with and taken care of their Mom for many years, and boy did he love his Mom! He was truly her baby. Joel was engaged too, to a woman who he had met and fallen in love with many years ago. She lived in Japan, and they were working on a time that would be best for them to finally get together and tie-the-knot. I SO looked forward to that wedding.

My heart is broken for their family today. To have someone so full of life and love and potential be gone in an instant, without any warning what so ever... it's just shocking and horrible. I talked to Portia, who told me it was the worst day of her life. I can only imagine the pain they must be going through as a family. They are all very tight knit, and very different, but I have never seen a family go out on a limb for their own as much as this family has done.

If something were to happen to Brenna like what has happened to their family, I don't know how I'd ever get through it. It seems so unfair that a life be ended like his was, when he was such an amazing, great, and intelligent person.

This takes me back to the "life is so fragile" thing. You hear it, you experience it, and yet you never keep that lesson close to your heart. Every tragic thing that happens brings up the feeling again that you must savor every moment of life, and then it's gone again with time, as people get caught up in the "I'll do it tomorrows" and "that could never happen to me". Well, yes it can. It can happen to anyone. It happened to Yine, who was getting ready to start a retirement with his wife and young kids. It happened to Joel who was an amazing student and soon to be married. It can happen to you, to your family, to your friends, to anyone at any time. No one knows the number that God has put on their life, or when the breath you take is going to be your last. You never know that when you wake up in the morning, you could see our Saviors face by the end of that day.

So, I'm taking this to heart. In honor of Joel, in honor of Yine, in honor of anyone who has died suddenly with so much life ahead of them. I'm going to live each and every moment as if it could be my last. I'm not going to drop out of school or anything crazy like that, but I'm never going to let someone I love not know how much I love them, and I'm never for a second gonna tell people who I care about that I care. I don't want anyone in my life, whether they leave or I leave, to have not heard or felt or known how much I cared about them. For Joel specifically, I'm going to stop resenting having to go to class, stop resenting that I'm still in school and not at home, and I'm going to enjoy being a student. I'm gonna delight in the fact that I get to learn something new everyday, and that I have a family who will support me in all of my school endeavors. I am never going to stop learning... I will always find something new to learn and delight in. He has inspired me in his tragic leaving as I should have allowed him to inspire me in his life. I have learned from him that life is about learning... whether it be about a subject in school or about yourself.

I pray that God brings peace that only he can bring to their family during this horrible time. I know that God knew that last night was Joel's last night, and only he knows what his purpose was in that fact. I know that God will use it for good however, because God is only good. Nothing that comes from God is a bad thing what so ever. I also pray that Joel truly knew the Lord and his soul is now in heaven with him, rejoicing that he no longer has to live in this cruel world, and that he has beaten us to the ultimate prize! I pray that God uses me and brings me to people and allows me to show them God's love so that we can all live eternally in paradise with our Dear Father together.

I wish that I could see Joel one more time to tell him that I love him and give him a big hug, and I know that there are so many more people who feel the same way today. I just thank you God that everything is in your oh-so-capable hands.

"Cause I'll be by your side, when ever you fall, in the dead of night, whenever you call, please don't fight these hands that are holding you... God's hands are holding you."