Courage

When I was at Carowinds a couple of weekends ago, I got a leather bracelet that I could get a word of choice carved into. I went over a list of things in my head like my name, Abby's name, etc. etc... Well I finally decided on the word Faith because I feel like that's what's totally carried me now for the past year or longer. I've depended on Faith to get me through. When I showed my Mom the bracelet, she said "I knew you would get Faith on there. " I asked her what she would have gotten if she were me and she told me that "Faith and Courage are your two most descriptive words I think." I didn't get how courage was any kind of word that would pertain to me. Lot's of times I feel like David facing Goliath- puny and out played. So I asked her why Courage would make her think of me, and she told me that "Faith and Courage goes hand in hand." She went on to tell me that how much Faith I have gives me courage to go out and try things and go after things that I want and that my courage carries me as much as my faith does.

Well, I didn't really think about that until just a few minutes ago when I was reading some comments my friends made on my last post. I had typed them both out these like page long responses, and I was reading over them when I lost them. Whoops. Haha

But anyways, back to the courage thing. My Mom really gave me a self esteem push there. I really want to be a Nurse. I can't see myself being anything else out there. I have forever told my parents that if I can't get it done at GWU then I'll get it done somehow. It's just who I feel like I'm meant to be. So what if I can't make it where I'm at now? So what if I come back home and try again from here?

The point is, no matter where I go from here, I'm going to be okay. I know that God has an awesome plan in store for me. I know He has given me my amazing family for a reason. I know that He's still working on me right now at this moment, and that thanks to Him, I will never be alone. I know now that when I start to panic about decisions or start to horribly miss my family or start to struggle in any of my classes, I am just going about the road He's paved, so I must be headed in the right direction.

I've never really looked at myself as courageous, but I'm beginning to now. Thanks to my wonderful Mom, who once again has made everything better. :D If nothing else, this is gonna keep my going and building my self confidence until I figure out exactly what I want. :)

To Gina-

I know what you mean in your comment. It seems stupid that I would sit and say I'm unhappy and not think that something has to be changed. My issue is that I prayed for so long for God to lead me to where I needed to go as far as college, and I knew when I picked GWU that I was going there for a reason. I don't know if I've met that reason yet... so I'm praying hard right now. Thank you so much for your prayers. I'm happy to know that whatever happens, I have you as a friend who will love me and support me no matter. :) I love you!

To Jez-

Don't think I'm naive about how many people in the world actually care about me. Believe me, I know most only care about "your truly" deep down, even those who say they don't. But I got spoiled earlier on I guess. I was known for so long, like people knew who I was either because of softball or school or something... and no, I would guess there may be 30 people on that whole campus who know me by name. I don't really care so much, it just gives me a different look at myself I guess. I know that when I'm home, I matter to everyone here and that everyone here loves me unconditionally. That gives a person so much self worth, and ever since last semester, I've had a hard time feel too much of that at GWU. I know you say I have to "step out" sometime, but I am in no hurry to grow up. I'm really not. I plan on coming back home after college, living here and getting on my feet financially with my job, then probably moving out with my husband into a house either down the street or right behind where I live now. To you that may sound stupid, but to me, that's my own little heaven on earth. Getting to be with everyone I love right in the place that means the most to me. I've not got the big plans coming right after I graduate like you do... so we have very different opinions and thoughts about what's ahead of us in the next 5 or so years. I guess it's just going to have to be something that you understand about me and I understand about you cause we're very different. But... there is nothing you aren't doing or could be doing that would make me happier. I promise you that if it weren't for you, I would be home already. It's just something I'm dealing with as me.