Now that I'm older, I feel like I have a harder time connecting to my Dad and finding things that I can do with him to make sure he still knows I'm his girl. When I played softball, that was our thing. We would spend 3-4 nights a week in our basement pitching and talking and bonding and yada yada. At ball tournaments, he was always my number 1 fan with his signature whistle he used to get my attention when I was out in the field. I am so thankful for softball for that reason amongst many others. I think it set a wonderful foundation for me and Dad.
I don't think that we aren't close anymore or anything like that, but I think our relationship has changed some since I went to college. We don't get to text like me and Mom do, and he works a lot so when we do talk it doesn't seem to be for long.
I think the whole thing that brought this up was when I came home on a Thursday for his birthday. He had to work that day, so he didn't get to enjoy his birthday. When he did get home, my Nana told him that I had come home to surprise him. He then told her that it was okay that he didn't come home cause I didn't come home to see him, I just came home to be home. Well that really hurt my heart. My Dad is my superman and my hero, and I wouldn't ever want to do anything to hurt him or dissapoint him. But that comment made me think- me and Dad don't do much anymore just me and him. I try to go with him every once in a while to run little errands, and I make sure to show interest in what he does, but I just feel like for some reason it isn't enough. I don't know what to do.
I spend a majority of my time worrying about how to make my family members and friends happy. I just want everyone I love to be happy, and my heart breaks when I feel like they're not. I kind of feel like the chick in The Secret Life of Bees that said she "carried the weight of the world on her shoulders". I wonder if that's maybe why I've felt down lately myself. I know that I can't drive myself nuts worrying about people, but I think I drive myself more nuts not worrying. My life IS my family and friends. Without them, I feel like I would be trapped in some kind of void of nothing, like my life would mean nothing without the people that are in it.
I dunno. I guess it's just kinda bugged me here lately I guess.
How can you possibly just make everyone happy? Is it possible?
No.
All I can do is love all of the wonderful people in my life as much as possible and pray it's good enough.
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